It was November, 6 days past my due date. I knew I was having a girl and I was so excited. We arrived at the hospital at 6:45 in the morning for the induction. The evening before, I had hardly slept. I was so excited and nervous, not knowing what to expect. The nurses started the IV, asked me a thousand questions, and after a few hours, started the Pitocin. I only waited a matter of minutes before the midwife came in to check me and see how I was doing. I was dilated to 3 cm which was how I had been for weeks. She answered my questions and I began the waiting. Progressively, the contractions started getting more painful. Nothing I couldn't handle though. My plan was to have an epidural eventually but I just kept feeling like I could handle the pain. 12 hours in to the labor, I was about 6 cm dilated. I decided I would take a warm bath. In the bath, the contractions became unbearably painful. I just layed my head in my arm at the edge of the tub and said "holy crap, this hurts!" I got out of the bath and back on to the bed. I decided that if I had not progressed, I was getting the epidural. The midwife checked and sure enough, I was at a "6+". 13 hours in and I finally said "okay, get the epidural please." Quickly the anesthesiologist came in. Sean sat at the side of the bed and held my hand while I lay on my side. My body was shaking and there was pain in my eyes. I looked straight in to his face. There was emotion. He looked at me and I could tell he wanted badly to take the pain away. He wanted me to be okay. Soon enough the epidural was in and I was rolled on to my back. The nurse asked if I could feel the contraction that was on the monitor. I replied "I feel like I have to poo!" She immediately checked me and the baby was in the birth canal and I was complete. I pushed for 15 minutes and suddenly something was plopped onto my chest. I opened my eyes and there she was. She looked intently in to my eyes, studying, wondering. I looked at her and my whole body was overwhelmed with love for this little being. I just cried and studied her. She was perfect in every way. Sean's face was close to mine and we were both looking. She never cried while I held her those first few moments, she just stared at me. I never knew a love so deep and unconditional until I looked in to those big eyes. When they cleaned her up and handed her to Sean, I melted. Sean's eyes filled with tears and I saw him cry tears of joy. This is the first time I had seen him cry this way. I fell in love with him all over again. I am so happy I have a husband that loves his children.
This is the moment that changed my life forever. The moment I became a mother. There are many other things that I esteem as important in life but none as high as I esteem motherhood. Kayla changed my life forever. I remember the delivery room, the layout, the nurses, the sterile procedure cart, the yellow gowns, everything. I have drawn photographically the memory of that moment. Those eyes that sucked me in and melted my heart. Those eyes that I still look in to and cherish because she is mine and I am her's.
