It was a cool morning when I entered the hospital for my Csection. So many emotions and feelings went through my head. Major surgery, beautiful babies, possible complications. Yet I felt brave inside. I knew I was having my precious boys. Sean and I waited in the pre-op room while I was given an IV and prepped for the OR. 9:30 was approaching quickly. Because I had to have a Csection, I envisioned the birth very different from Kayla's. I thought there would be a lack of bonding, it would be far from "beautiful", I would lack the emotion and feeling I did with Kayla.
By the time I had the spinal epidural in place and on the operating table part of my anxiety had subsided. My doctor was there and she has an amazing way of making me feel reassured.
After a major drop in my blood pressure was recovered, they began the procedure. I lay still while I can feel pulling and pressure but no accompanying pain. The anesthesiologist talked to us about Yosemite, I could hear the click of Sarah's camera and Sean sat nervously trying to peek over the drape at the action. After a little while, I heard the Doctor's voice "Hannah, you are about to have Brody in just a minute. My mind left Yosemite and came back to the reality of the situation. "Just let me hear him scream" I prayed silently. A strong pull and then I heard it. That beautiful sound. He was screaming at the top of his little lungs. I felt the Doctor place him on top of me but behind the drape where she cleaned him off. Tears streamed down my face. I could feel him, I could hear him and I waited anxiously to see him. I saw my Doctor look over at the drape and look at me. She said "He is beautiful Hannah, and he is perfect." I continued to cry and smile. Sean and I looked at eachother with tears in our eyes. Just like we had when Kayla was born. "Okay, Hannah are you ready?" I heard the Doctor ask. And there he was. Pink, screaming and perfect. His tiny face almost seemed familiar. And that's when we met, Brody, Mom and Dad. We stared in disbelief, unable to do much else than cry and smile. He was taken to the next room to be assessed by the nurses. 2 minutes later, more screaming, just like Brody. This time I cried again but also breathed a huge sigh of relief. They were both here. Safe, screaming, big and healthy. McKay was cleaned on top of me where I could hear him screaming wildly. Suddenly there he was, being held up for Sean and I to see. We cried more tears of happiness. The boys were taken to the next room where they were assessed. Within a short amount of time they were brought back in to where I was being put back together. I got to kiss them, smell them and feel their little faces against mine. I saw Sean holding one twin in his arms looking happy and tearful. He had a look of disbelief in his eyes.
This unattached medical procedure I had planned for turned out to be the one of the two most beautiful experiences of our lives. Just like Kayla, it is our birth story of how we welcomed our two little angels in to this world. It is permanently planted in my brain forever.
The babies were wheeled in to meet me in recovery and never have seen the inside of the NICU.
Brody Mac born at 10:21 AM weighing in at 5 lbs 14 oz 19.5 inches long
McKay Sean born at 10:23 AM weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz 19.5 inches long
It has been 6 days since that experience and it has taken me all six days to write this one post. My life is filled with nursing two babies, changing lots of diapers, trying to give love to my 4 year old and an attempt at sleep. My mom is here to help for a few more weeks and my mother in law is very helpful too, thank heavens. I am so in love with these two boys. When I look at them together in their crib my heart is filled with gratitude. I feel so undeserving of this gift.