Time Passes Quickly

Oh my, hurry before we surpass a year without a single post! What a year. Where do I start? How about a list:

1. Sean graduated and after applying to a few graduate programs, he is now attending graduate school at Columbia University in New York.
2. We sold our house, left everything behind and moved to the East Coast.
3. Because graduate school is so time consuming, I am staying home with the kids! For the first time in my life!
4. I love being a stay at home mom. A lot.
5. The twins start Kindergarten next year.
6. Kayla is thriving in her new school.
7. I love New England in the Fall
8. New York City is awesome, it will take us years to see everything.
9. That's it in a nutshell.

So now that I have brought the blog up to speed, I am okay for another year! But really, just yesterday I began to realize that I completely forgot about all the funny things Kayla used to say. I thought I would never forget. However, I recorded them on this blog! So I have priceless records of all the things that made me laugh and cry as the kids grow. So, because I cannot let this time pass me by, here is the conversation that McKay had with the speech pathologist last week:

SLP: McKay, are you a boy or a girl?
McKay: I McKay.

SLP: McKay, if there was a fly in your house what should you do?
McKay: Cut it (with a slicing motion).

Ha, analyze me that one!

Individuals

We made a birthday poster for Kayla's school class. It gave me great insight to what she loves, here is what she came up with:

I like soccer
I like to dance
My favorite food is roasted asparagus and orange chicken
My favorite color is Green
I love playing with my dog Rainy
I like hiking with my family
I like riding bikes
I like playing with friends
I am into snowboard stuff
I like swimming
I want a Kendama for my birthday
I think American Girl dolls are cool
I love school

Of course, when the boys saw the birthday poster, they wanted one of their own. They told me what they love.

Brody's poster mentions:
Trucks
Trains
My mommy, daddy, opaaaa, omaaaaa, auntie, gwama, gwampa. (notice he doesn't mention his siblings, hmm)
Pizza and hotdogs (favorite food)
I like to run fast
I love my doggy
Reading books
I like to help mommy

McKay's poster reads:
I love my jammy pants
I love my backpack
I love iPods
I love my sissy and brother
I love cereal
I love watching shows

Brody tonight: (crouching down to speak to the newly squished bug on the floor)

"Hiii buggy. Hi buggy. What you doin? Are you dead now? Okay buggy, that's a good buggy. Bye bye buggy"

Striped Pants

There is a little something called guilt. I am familiar with it. One of the reasons I feel guilt is because I am letting priceless moments pass by without recording them. As I peered at this photo in my editing program, I couldn't stop noticing how beautiful these kiddos are. But do you notice McKay's striped pants? Did I pick those out as part of the family photo. Well, no. McKay has a little bit of an obsession. He loves these striped pants. They are size 12 months and they now appear to be yoga pants. They have a hole in them, they are stained, yet they are the most wonderful thing that has ever entered in to this boy's life. He wears them day and night and he things if he spins them in the dryer for 2 minutes that they are "Cweeeeen pants mommy!!" I assure you this is not an effective way of cleaning pants that have been worn around the clock by a grungy three year old. On the photo shoot day, I placed some dark jeans over the striped pants. When we arrived, McKay screamed at the top of his lungs, completely inconsolable (not to mention he fell asleep in the car and doesn't wake up well.) Finally, after a good ten minutes of attempted consoling, we decided to ditch the jeans. He didn't crack even one smile and scowled the entire shoot but he wasn't screaming any more. As for the jeans, they spent the remainder of the shoot in the grass where dad chucked them. McKay, I hope your determination motivates you to aspire a great potential some day.

Today I have been thinking a lot about my upbringing and the way my parents did things. My parents are amazing. How did they know all that stuff, I mean I feel lost so much of the time. My mom had 9 kids, NINE kids! I thought, before I became a parent, that I wanted a lot of kids and I would be great at it just like my mom was. Well, then I had Kayla and I still thought I wanted lots and lots of Kaylas. Relatively calm easy baby, a toddler who could use so many signs that she was rarely frustrated, and then a wonderful school aged child who has her moments but has become my little bestie. Then I had these two boys at the same time. Pretty good babies but then they turned in to fire breathing toddlers (okay you know I really REALLY love them though). Have you ever heard of Sensory Processing Disorders? My little McKay was diagnosed with it about 9 months ago. It has been a challenge that I have questioned my ability to handle. I love being a parent and I am so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to have these individuals in my life. That being said, my euphoric ideals about becoming a really amazing parent have been shattered by the humbling reality of life. I can do my best every day but that's it. My room is full of clean laundry that hasn't been put away, my floors need to be mopped, I am about 2 years behind on my spring cleaning, and if you sit in something sticky don't say I didn't warn you. I choose not to paint a picture of a perfect life. I want to remember with all the great things, came many challenges. I would also like to remind my three beautiful children that we are just guessing and trying our hardest. We are far from perfect and I know I am not doing everything right but we are doing our best.

New Chapter

Today I am feeling mixed. There is a big change coming. I recently took another job which is a big deal because I love my current job in many ways and I absolutely love the people I work with. The one downside to working in any hospital is the night shift. Some people are cut out for it, I however, am not. For two years I have worked rotating shifts between graveyard (6PM-6AM) and days here and there. And over the past two years I have fallen in to a greater vegetative state. I have energy to expend at work, giving 100% to patients, coworkers, and the flow of the floor. But at home I am merely surviving. I sleep terrible in the day, after falling asleep at 7AM, I awake at 12 noon exhausted but can't return to sleep. My kids suffer from my exhaustion, my husband suffers from my exhaustion and my energy tank has become completely empty. Nothing left. A few months ago, Sean came to me and, in a kind way said "Hannah, you need to find something with daytime hours. We want you back." I knew I didn't want to take just any day job, it had to be something I really felt good about. About a month after that I received a message from a friend, telling me there was an opening for a dialysis RN at the dialysis center right near the hospital I currently work. The hours are all days! I applied and was called for an interview. When I went in to interview it was after a night shift. I felt exhausted but when I walked in to the building it was bright, open, and it just felt right. I was offered the job and accepted. Last night was my last night shift. I may never stay up again my whole life. I would be okay with that. Leaving the job comes with a price though, I am so sad to say goodbye to the people I work with. I have been a supervisor for over a year and a nurse there for 2 years. I have been inspired by them and it is painful to say goodbye. I start my new job on Monday and I am very excited, a little nervous too. I am staying on as a PRN nurse in the Emergency Room at the hospital I have been working so I can keep my skills fresh on a variety of things. So here starts the next chapter, one that has me putting my kids to bed at night. I will spend time with my daughter every day after school, and I can maybe feel normal again. As sad as I am to leave, this feels like the right thing for us.

And yeah, that first picture, the boys are using the drawers as a step ladder (what am I supposed to do now?)!!

Water

I have literally been asked the question "do you recommend having twins?" I thought and thought about this question. Do I even recommend my crazy life? Well, if it's between that and a private white sand beach um....

Wednesday morning I got home from work at 7:00 AM, my usual time. I was so tired I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. Apparently McKay was upset because he wanted me to get out of bed at 9 AM. So as any intelligent two year old would do, he problem-solved. No sooner had I entered my 2 hour REM sleep cycle, a one liter cup of ice water was dumped on my head. I did what any other normal person would do: jumped and screamed VERY loudly. Sean understood clearly that this may turn volatile so he put down some towels (the majority of the bed was soaked), directed my half asleep, soaked head to a dry pillow, and took McKay out of the room. I slept the rest of my short "night" on the small corner of the bed which was left dry. So McKay, I know you are only two and there is an essence of innocence that resonates in your sweet little voice. However, I would like to teach you a little concept called "payback". There will come a time when you are lazily sleeping in and your attitude exceeds your desire to listen to your mother. Well, it'll be then when I get to dump a liter of ice water on YOUR head. And believe me, it will happen!

Did I mention that Brody climbed in to the dryer and McKay turned the dryer on? Yeah that happened. Sean said the blood curdling scream could be heard a mile away. Sean heard 2 "thuds" before he reached the dryer to turn it off so our guess is he spun twice. Brody wasn't hurt, just traumatized. Needless to say, NO one has climbed in to the dryer since!

So we continue this journey of survival. I struggle to manage the life of handling a household of rowdy children, a constant messy house, and full time work. Sean is still in school but there is a light at the end of the tunnel! He will be a 2014 graduate, woohoo!